Negative Nancy.....

And when we get home, I know we won't be home at all
This place we live, it is not where we belong
And I miss who we were in the town that we could call our own
Going back to get away after everything has changed

Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
(Everything has changed)
Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?

So we stand here now and no one knows us at all
I won't get used to this
I won't get used to being gone
And going back won't feel the same if we aren't staying
Going back to get away after everything has changed

Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?
(Everything has changed)
Could you help me push aside all that I have left behind?
(Everything has changed)
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?

Taking up our time
Taking up our time
Taking up our time
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time again
Go back we can't go back at all
It's taking up our time, taking up our time

Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?
Do you remember that? Do you remember that?

-Paramore

Franklin

(track 9 on All We Know is Falling)

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Negative Nancy

Breakdown Brenda

Complaining Claire

Pitiful Peggy

That is how I feel. About me. No one wants any of those girls around! So brace yourself or just disregard this entire post. I just have to get it off my chest. I have almost lived here a year now and I'm still a huge mess. My life is not horrible. (I am addicted to Charmaine's blog. She's a friend from home that is fighting cancer and going through chemo. I am so hesitant to even type these things because they are so petty and small compared to the struggles and illnesses some are enduring.) I have a lot to be thankful for. I am thankful for my health, God's provision etc. etc. It's all internal with me. I can't explain the mess. I just want out. I am tired of living here where I have to work so hard to be loved. I have to do certain things and then turn right around and NOT do something else to win the love and approval of some "friends" out here. I guess I was just really blessed at home. People just loved me, ya know. I didn't have to work for it. They just gave it freely like Jesus does. I'm so confused as to how certain people can be so mean to someone who didn't do a thing.... not to mention they don't know that well. I guess little kids behave this way on the playground. Kids are mean. I guess sometimes they don't know better but when you hit about 19, 20 you should probably be pretty aware of your actions. I feel like a little kid who has been hurt by the other kids at school and all I want to do is get off the school bus, run inside, sit in my mom's lap and just cry. Life's tough, get a helmet... I know. My mom is a long long long way away. You know, I'm pretty tough if I do say so myself- but not this tough. I try to act all hard and then it's no time before I'm breaking down. I'm reading Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus. It is very good so far. But lately he's been talking a lot about how we long to be loved and have community. That's how we were created. It is so true. That is really all I'm longing for right now. Love. Ok, so that's my sob story. blah blah blah. Good news: I get to come home this summer when Rowan is born!