Today is my last day of "work". For the last 6 years I have been caring for precious children on the regular. Some family, some friends, and some strangers that became family. My 3 year old hardly takes naps these days but today she did and for the first time in a while asked me to read her "2 books". I almost teared up. I told her that I would really miss her and she said, "Yeah, but it's okay because I'll still get to see you all the time!" Presh.
Also, at the end of this month JB turns 8. Soon after the girls will start kindergarten and then turn 5. How can this be?
I feel as if I'm about to be an empty nester. I have all these strange feelings. I have excitement for the (unknown) future. I have anxiety that I no longer will have any babies to love on and invest in. I have happiness that they are all so healthy and growing up to be so great. Seriously, what am I going to do?
This next phase of life is going to be so interesting. Hopefully I can handle it. Classes start Wednesday. I'll go Monday and Wednesday from 8-2pm with 5 minutes between each class. Hello high school?
Football starts next week as well. I have already noticed that "the other version" of my husband is here and the version that has been around since March is no where to be found. Lord, help me to be supportive and quiet (and if possible, send an elf to help me out until basketball is over)!
I need to write on my mirror how I am going to make all these changes "happy". Maybe if I read it every day I'll believe it and then do it!
Friday, August 17, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
Habits
I try to make a habit of thankfulness.
When I was in elementary school my mom bought me a journal and challenged me to write 3 things I was thankful for each day. Great idea, Mom!
Today I'm thankful for:
Coffee
Good friends
Good conversations
His plan
A special old man who stepped in when my Paw-Paw went to be with Jesus
Pickin' beans and peas with that same man
-Slow cooking them for hours
My man roommate, his positive attitude, and world view
Fresh picked blueberries
- In cobblers, muffins, granola bars, in a bowl of milk, blueberry milkshakes, with yogurt and granola, in smoothies, or by themselves.
My bling bling
Bob Goff and Donald Miller
2 munchkins watching toons on the couch
When I was in elementary school my mom bought me a journal and challenged me to write 3 things I was thankful for each day. Great idea, Mom!
Today I'm thankful for:
Coffee
Good friends
Good conversations
His plan
A special old man who stepped in when my Paw-Paw went to be with Jesus
Pickin' beans and peas with that same man
-Slow cooking them for hours
My man roommate, his positive attitude, and world view
Fresh picked blueberries
- In cobblers, muffins, granola bars, in a bowl of milk, blueberry milkshakes, with yogurt and granola, in smoothies, or by themselves.
My bling bling
Bob Goff and Donald Miller
2 munchkins watching toons on the couch
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
24 going on 19.
I have learned SO much over the last few years. California stretched me. I grew spiritually, relationally, and learned a lot about life.
So why is it that at 24 I can be very sure of WHO I am and confident in that and yet be extremely unsure of WHAT I want to do with my life?
At 24 I am still asking myself the same questions I asked when I was 18 years old. What a shame. I would not take back the route that got me to where I am now for anything in the world. However, I would pay big money for the answers I want now about my future.
Doors have always been opened for me whether I was looking for an open door or not. I'm hoping that this theme will continue to play out in my life.
I was talking with a friend of mine (actually two friends) about how one day I will be completely believing and trusting God. The next.... an anxious mess. I believe that my core knows that the Lord will provide and take care of me but it's "me, myself, and I" that I doubt. I doubt my ability to make the right decisions and choices. That I will mess up whatever God wants to do but in all reality He'd probably like for me to chill, trust Him, and make an educated decision (unless He clearly says otherwise).
I have always been sure of 2 things.
1. The longing inside of me to be a great wife.
2. The longing inside of me to have babies and raise them to be good citizens of America and more importantly warriors for Christ.
I guess I will just have to feel my way through the rest of it. Seek to honor Him in all that I do or pursue. I just read the verse today that says to work as for the Lord and not for men.
As much as I despise being 24 and clueless as far as careers go I realize that I need to focus on what I do know and trust that God isn't going to leave me along the way. He isn't done with me yet. He has done a great work in the years between 18 and 24 and He will continue to work in me. People change careers 4 and 5 times during their lives. Some don't figure it out until they're 30. I know what I want to do with my life (being a wife and mother while ministering to those around me) I just don't know where I want my paycheck to come from.
I've been begging Jesus to come to my front door and tell me what I should do with my life and the steps I should take to get there. As far as I know He hasn't showed up yet. Thankfully He does meet with me every day as I read His word. His steadfast and true word. I wonder if He ever looks at me, smiles, and says, "Will she ever get it?" It seems like I have to be told the same thing over and over again.
So unworthy but still He loves me.
So why is it that at 24 I can be very sure of WHO I am and confident in that and yet be extremely unsure of WHAT I want to do with my life?
At 24 I am still asking myself the same questions I asked when I was 18 years old. What a shame. I would not take back the route that got me to where I am now for anything in the world. However, I would pay big money for the answers I want now about my future.
Doors have always been opened for me whether I was looking for an open door or not. I'm hoping that this theme will continue to play out in my life.
I was talking with a friend of mine (actually two friends) about how one day I will be completely believing and trusting God. The next.... an anxious mess. I believe that my core knows that the Lord will provide and take care of me but it's "me, myself, and I" that I doubt. I doubt my ability to make the right decisions and choices. That I will mess up whatever God wants to do but in all reality He'd probably like for me to chill, trust Him, and make an educated decision (unless He clearly says otherwise).
I have always been sure of 2 things.
1. The longing inside of me to be a great wife.
2. The longing inside of me to have babies and raise them to be good citizens of America and more importantly warriors for Christ.
I guess I will just have to feel my way through the rest of it. Seek to honor Him in all that I do or pursue. I just read the verse today that says to work as for the Lord and not for men.
As much as I despise being 24 and clueless as far as careers go I realize that I need to focus on what I do know and trust that God isn't going to leave me along the way. He isn't done with me yet. He has done a great work in the years between 18 and 24 and He will continue to work in me. People change careers 4 and 5 times during their lives. Some don't figure it out until they're 30. I know what I want to do with my life (being a wife and mother while ministering to those around me) I just don't know where I want my paycheck to come from.
I've been begging Jesus to come to my front door and tell me what I should do with my life and the steps I should take to get there. As far as I know He hasn't showed up yet. Thankfully He does meet with me every day as I read His word. His steadfast and true word. I wonder if He ever looks at me, smiles, and says, "Will she ever get it?" It seems like I have to be told the same thing over and over again.
So unworthy but still He loves me.
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