Blue jean baby, LA lady.....

Just watched Almost Famous. Loved it. The beginning was filmed in San Diego along with some other parts. The very beginning was Newport Avenue and Ocean Beach... my FAVORITE place in San Diego. Maybe that movie had my heart from the start because of that :)

So, sometimes I want to runaway. Like really run away. You know, where you don't tell anyone that you're going much less where you're going. Not because I hate life, not because I'm running from someone. Just running. In high school I thought about running away to Florida after graduation and getting a beach job, like putting out umbrellas and chairs. Just so I could live on the water and be tan and meet tons of interesting characters. That may seem silly. Well, because it IS! Instead I ran away to California. Much more glamorous in my opinion. Tons of songs have been written about running away to California. Now I know why... first hand. Maybe you wonder what it might be like out here. How I feel. Ok, so you don't BUT I'm gonna tell you anyway. So, I can remember one day too.

Let me first show you my amazing "back yard"....

I could post 934825230 more pictures taken at different beaches, mountains and parks but I'll spare you. But those blobs laying on the sand... yeah, real seals. Not tame, zoo or sea world seals. Wild. That's not the point. The point is living in San Diego is a gift from Jesus. I get to enjoy some of the most beautiful landscapes in all of America, maybe the world. Purple mountain majesty baby, from sea to friggin shining sea. Not to mention this weather has me spoiled. I often wonder if I will be able to handle humidity and mosquitoes ever again.

With all of the beauty comes pain too though. You see, sometimes it seems as if I don't have a home. Some tell me my home is in Douglasville, others tell me Ohatchee and then there are those that tell me that my heart won't ever leave the west coast. The thing that worries me is... I don't feel like I fit in any of these places. Blah Blah I know, I'm not tryin to go emo on ya or anything. I'm a military brat. Meaning, I was born in an army hospital. I have only ever gone to the doctor on base, I have lived in 4 states, attended 6 schools and always had to leave friends behind. I remember when my parents used to sit me and the sisters down to tell us where we were headed next. I think I always cried. Cried about leaving "home" again and my friends. I swore..... "When I grow up... I'm NEVER moving!" Yep, never say never.... Through all of that moving, uprooting and planting Jesus made me a little different. I'm kind of wild. Adventurous. I want to see what this crazy life has to offer. I love Douglasville. I talk about it a lot but honestly I'm not one of those people that could have ever been satisfied staying there my whole life, marrying and having a bundle of kids. I'll be back one day to do all of those things but I think I'm pretty selfish. I don't want to share life with anyone right now, ya know? I'm a glorious twenty one years young. This is the only time in my life where I can just worry about me, concentrate on me, see places, meet people, do things. It's great. I'm selfish. That's not great, it's just that I want to learn and grow and become the best version of me.... that is possible. I realize that I am now babbling on about a bunch of craziness but hey, I'm just gonna roll with it.

Here is something that is painful. Being 2000 miles away from my family. For instance, my mom, sisters and cousin will get together and shop or craft or eat. It is tough to hear that when I'm out here alone. I have a close knit family. Aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd and 3rd cousins, brothers, grandparents... it's all the same to me. I can't help how much I love those people. It is tough when my middle sister is having her first child and I will miss baby showers and seeing the nursery and the pregnant belly, and feeling Rowan kicking.

Before I moved I thought about how I would miss all the mom and pop places that I've been going to forever. Hudson's, Fabiano's, favorite gas stations, even my valvoline where Carter and Bill took excellent care of me. I thought I would miss back roads. Don't get me wrong I really miss those things. Especially Zaxby's and WaHo. -I had a very good friend once, he moved to middle america before I moved west. He told me I wouldn't miss the things I thought I would. He told me what I would really miss, he was somewhat right.- I miss driving an hour down the road to see my mom when I got tired of being in Douglasville. I miss driving to Atlanta with the radio all the way up, windows all the way down and a midnight krispy kreme just because I was in the mood. I miss Luke. Luke Mckenney. One day Luke and I will share life stories and read the newspaper on Senior Citizen night at Chick-fil-a. I miss friends. Friends where you can show up at their house and just lay on their couch and eat their food. Friends that would do anything in the world for you with out you even asking. I miss trees and grass. I miss my small group. I miss them being dependent on me and me on them. I miss cheese dip from the mexican restaurants. I miss my nephews ball games. I miss a lot of things.

I sound like such an oxy-moron but this is the truth and the way that it is. You see, it is all bitter sweet. I love being the crazy girl who packed up and left for Cali. I love being young and taking insane risks. There is nothing else I would rather be doing right now than living in SoCal, watching Elevate grow and grow, and soaking up this glorious California sun. However, while I'm doing all of this... life is continuing in the south and I'm not there. So this is the way it is I suppose. Life's tough, lil bro, get a helmet! As Eric Matthews told his brother Corey. Basically, my heart is torn. My heart gets lonely. The highlight of some of my days is... checking the mail, only to find junk mail! haha. america america. Hannah Johnson.... chase your dreams. Be you. Be big. Eliminate the what ifs in your life. I love you with all of my heart that is practically identical to yours.

And about running away, I'd love to.... but even I'm not that crazy :) I might do it if someone wanted to go with me though. Like Cody says, "no one should have to be alone. it just ain't good."

Peace out. Word to your mother.

muchlove