When I was a nanny...

I knew it all. I juggled multiple kids like it was a walk in the park. Why? I left after an 8-10 hour day, took my pug for a walk on the cliffs with my roommate, came home prepared a meal with out being interrupted to change a diaper, sit with somebody while they poop on the potty, pull chairs to the counter for one to "help" me cook, put chairs back at the table when said helper doesn't want to listen, discipline helper when tantrum is thrown, oh, crap! something is boiling over!! Sorry, back to the point. Then I ate my dinner, cleaned the kitchen (no interruptions during these tasks either). Then I either when out with friends or binge watched shows with Bea. After that I would go to sleep and sleep for a solid 8 hours. I mean never even roll over, solid. Sun would come up, I'd run a mile and hit the 8E and start my morning routine with the children I loved more than anyone in the world. I wasn't exhausted. I was young, rested, and full of life. I had no problem making decisions about what was best for those kids in each situation. I was not mentally, physically, or emotionally exhausted. I was in tune with their bodies and how much sleep they needed or when they'd be hungry again. Plus I didn't have to worry about any major parenting decisions. My boss gave me the orders and I carried them out. No lost sleep over where they should go to school, organic everything or nah, spray the outside of the house with pesticide and risk having kids and dogs exposed or nah, discipline allllll day long or turn my head because I'm tired of the battle, neglect the house for extra time outside or stay inside just to have a big mess again by bedtime, cook something special for my man or frozen pizza again. I was 20 something playing mom by day and enjoying every single bit of San Diego by night and on the weekends. Fast forward a few years. I get married. Will is pampered and taken care of like a king. Fast forward another year. Enter Hank. Then two years later. Enter Miles. Life is crazy!!! There are so many days I am asking the Father to renew my mind, please, just renew my mind. I am exhausted. I have been waking up SEVERAL times a night for 2.5 years, I have had leaky breastfeeding boobs for 2.5 years, I care more now than ever about what is going in and on our bodies, Will works more than than ever, I'm home more now than ever, I repeat myself a bagillion times a day, I bandage bumps and scrapes, lunch turns into food art, my strong willed child turns every day events into super toddler negotiations, I save the dogs and cats from the toddler, I save the baby from the toddler, I pay the bills, run the errands, did I mention I breastfeed and my body thinks I need 3500 calories a day? This is my Life. The one I have always wanted since I was old enough to think that far down the road. All of those things listed above that sound like complaints? They really aren't. I want to do those things for my family. Maybe just not all of those things in one day or every single day. I read a post from another blog my sister suggested I read and have Kleenex handy. It was about the stage of life I'm in. Well I did. And I cried. I related with the words there about feeling like you aren't doing anything well. I love Will and think about him all day but I'm not that great at loving him when he gets home because I'm worn out. I love Hank to death. It there are days I feel like I have only yelled because I'm sick of the twonager attitude. I want Miles to stay a baby forever but I do want to sleep again. Renew my mind. Lord, you have to renew my mind. I nap with my boys every day and I won't feel ashamed or embarrassed about it because when I look on each side of me and those precious angels with long lashes and squishy cheeks are in that deep breathing stage of sleep, there is NO where in the world I'd rather be, or anything I'd rather be doing than raising my boys with Will Ginn. How blessed am I to have a husband who works so hard to provide for our wants and needs, who desires and loves sustainable living and farming like I do, who loves to be active and eat healthy like I do, who came from such a great family, who never and I mean never complains about anything. Most of the time he leaves me wondering if I contribute anything positive to our family. My Maw Maw and my Mom tell me frequently, "these are the best days of your life". I know they are right. These babies never get enough of me. I can meet almost all needs with the magic boob milk. So Lord, renew my mind. Help me to always remember that I need to live in the present and make great plans for the future. Because when this season is over that doesn't mean the fun and the love is too. Help me to embrace each new phase and to be open to transforming daily because I HAVE to start resembling Him more and me less. Have to. Cheers to coffee, iced from Jack's preferably, dates with my man, swing sets from Nana assembled by Pap, and all the things little boys are made of. Play ball!