in just a week's time...

i have felt every emotion under the sun. today i'm not so positive. priscilla shirer said a few things that i am going to remind myself of:

1. my feelings do not have intellect
2. when i give God the credit in the beginning, i give Him control to carry me the rest of the way
3. God's word deserves more commitment
4. those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.

the last couple of days have been days where i know that i'm being a girl and i hate it but i just can't stop it. ugh. i've been tapping my dang heels and by golly i'm not in san diego! when i moved to sd a few years ago the first year was pretty rough. tonight i went to the river and talked to my Jesus about how i'm being a girl. tonight i begged him to mold me into who he wants me to be BUT i prayed begging him to protect me from that really sad place i was in 3 years ago....

3 yrs ago i arrived in california. no friends. no knowledge of how to get anywhere. no community. no familiar food. no life. i had a blank slate and i hated it. looking back though, it was beautiful. i am so glad i had to opportunity to build a life that i really loved and God was able to transform me completely in my vulnerability. 3 yrs from now i should read this silly post about how i'm incredibly homesick and would do anything to be able to see my girls and Jackson. and about how i want to go to elevate. and hopefully when i do look back i can smile because God has molded me into someone better. you see, God sees in us what we don't see in ourselves and He will work on us until we are what He sees us to be. thank you priscilla shirer for telling it like it is.

i want to be used. i want to stay focused on the God story and not my story. i want to love hard. i want to invest. i want to use my spiritual gifts. i want to be different, live differently, and give a different love. love that this world hasn't felt in far too long.