Two days....

Away from being 21. I do not feel like I am old enough to say, "I'm 21." I don't really want to be 21. I'd be happy to stay young forever. HOWEVER, I need to stop being ridiculous and embrace the future and stop wishing for the past. I have been in a funk for quite awhile now. If I knew exactly how to beat it, trust me, I would! I'm in one of the most beautiful states in all of America being young and free and for some reason my thoughts are taking over my life. In Psalm David writes about wrestling with his thoughts. I know how ya feel brother! I was given some superspiritual advice that went like this, "Maggie, you just need to give it to God." Well DUH! I struggle with feeling. Ever since I lost Tyler my senior year I have been numb. Almost emotionless. This is strange because I usually feel EVERYTHING. My emotions and passion hold hands most of the time. These are the things I have constantly been thinking about. So senseless to waste time on issues of this sort when there are much more important things going on in my life and the world around me. Since my last long post, my year and a half long relationship with Will has come to an end. On Christmas Eve to be exact. So strange to have someone in your life for years and then poof, no more. Also, a very dear friend of mine has for unmentioned reasons stopped communicating with me. This has been tough especially since a break up is one of those things you just need to talk about with the people who really know your heart. All I know to do is continue being the friend that I would want to have.

On a lighter note, my sister Hollie is prego. I'm tellin you what, I think about that child EVERY SINGLE DAY. I can't wait to know the sex so I can buy cute things. I feel like I already love this baby. I can't imagine what it must be like to have a child of your own and the love. Oh the love. Hopefully, one of these days I'll meet my hunkahunka burnin love that happens to make enough money for me to stay at home with my own children and raise them. Please Lord, I don't want to die a virgin. Haha.

My Paw-Paw is turning 85 on Saturday! Let me just tell you about this man.... He has worked many different jobs, served our country and my Jesus with all of his heart. He is hardworking, honest, extremely compassionate, still has a sense of humor and loves to aggravate. He has always made sure that I know how much he loves me and how much the Lord loves me. Since I moved to San Diego I don't think that there has been a week that I haven't received a letter in the mail from him and Mrs. Palmer (his wife) with some cash in it. Some weeks it is $2, other weeks it might be $11. Ya never know. Needless to say, I love this man. He is very important and special to me. Happy Birthday Paw-Paw even though I don't think you've ever been on the internet :)